Slave and Master to Every Bite (Part 3)

“And I couldn’t stand the person inside me. I turned all the mirrors around. I’m bigger than my body, I’m colder than this home. I’m meaner than my demons, I’m bigger than these bones.” Control – Halsey Slave and Master to Every Bite (Part 2) in May of 2020 brought about my first public declaration […]

To My Daughter, on Your 13th Birthday

These are all the words that wouldn’t fit inside that purple and white unicorn card. These are words that I’ve been writing to you in the back of my mind, since before you were born. My dear daughter, if at any point in your life you believed that you were unloved, know that you were […]

Slave and Master to Every Bite (Part 2)

“Mirrors should think longer before they reflect.” -Jean Cocteau Last Friday upon waking, I shuffled around to encourage my body to release it’s nightly water weight/swelling. I refrained from eating or drinking, evacuated my bowels, and stripped down. My scale rolled back a whole pound. Saturday, for the first time since my accident (Plates, Pins […]

The Things I Carry

“They carried all they could bear, and then some, including a silent awe for the terrible power of the things they carried.” -Tim O’Brien, The Things They Carried The toddler covered in coffee burns, screaming, waiting for the helicopter… The woman, lost, who drove off the side of the mountain in pitch darkness… The jet-skier […]

The Melting Point of a Camel’s Back

“And then something invisible snapped inside her, and that which had come together commenced to fall apart.” -John Green, Looking For Alaska Welcome to the dismal, ill-fated and certainly unplanned sequel to Plates, Pins and Nerves of Steel. Six weeks after folding upon myself at the bottom of the staircase, I can still hear the […]

Plates, Pins and Nerves of Steel

“Storms make trees take deeper roots.” -Dolly Parton I laid twisted and crumped on the floor. The instant pain and subsequent panic were shrouded in a wave of nausea. I screamed out my ex-husband’s name. He had left just ten minutes prior with our daughter. It was a name I didn’t call out anymore, someone […]

I Was A Sidelined Sporty Spice

“They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds.” Wilt Chamberlain Four years ago I was driven and dedicated, not just to the gym, but to myself. I maintained steady control and discipline over my body and the barrage of invasive thoughts. Five or […]

Slave and Master to Every Bite

“You are imperfect, permanently and inevitably flawed. And you are beautiful.” -Amy Bloom I have grappled with this paradox the majority of my life. I am still trying to understand how both statements, so oppositional in nature, can be true. My desperate need for perfection has ruined so many moments. My continual disappointment in mine […]

Cancer Won’t Kill Me, The Grey Will

“If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.” -Morris West Four days after my thirty-something birthday, during a routine examination, I was told there was a problem. This wasn’t the first time. My thyroid was now the next in line of abnormal cells and suspicious ultrasounds. I won’t […]